The Comparison Trap – The Land of Er (Ecc 4:4-8)

My kids recently learned the game of UNO and they loved playing it with me. They are finally old enough where the four of us can enjoy a game together without anyone complaining the game was too complicated for them. I loved playing with them, until I discovered a small problem, my kids love to win, both of them. They love the game but they love winning the game even more. At first I tried to play a couple of times hoping and praying that we would all win equally eventually, and then everyone would be happy. But games don’t work that way, you win some, and you lose some. So when my kids don’t win equally, they say what most kids often love to say, “not fair!”

Isn’t it interesting that we naturally want to win and therefore be better than those that are on our left and on our right? We constantly compare ourselves to others to see if we are doing ok or more than ok. We see what our coworkers are doing, we see what are friends are doing, we see what our neighbors are doing, and we ask ourselves, are we better? We engage in a daily lose-lose activity and we may not even realize how destructive it is. Being rich-er or smart-er or funny-er may feel like a short-term win, but for ourselves, our families, and our marriages, comparison is a game with no winners.

Moving Forward

Maybe you are exhausted trying to keep up with your friends. Maybe your high expectations drive your spouse or kids crazy. Maybe you have relatives you don’t get along with because you envy what they have and rejoice in their failures. You can’t genuinely love someone whom you secretly hope will fail. You can’t genuinely love someone whom you’re pushing to meet a standard so you can feel better about yourself. There’s no win in comparison.

Discussion Questions

1. When you played games or sports as a child, were you a good loser? How did you handle winning?

2. Have you ever had to work hard to meet someone else’s expectations? How did it affect your relationship with that person?

3. What is your greatest ambition in life right now? What are you doing to pursue it? Is that ambition motivated at all by comparing yourself to others?

4. Is there anyone you secretly enjoy seeing fail? What can you do to extend that person grace?

5. What is one thing you can do this week to allow the thought of tranquility—contentment—to help you pause in the midst of the comparison trap?