Before and After “I DO” (2) – Fight Fair

First thing first, men, are you ready for Valentine’s Day?  Just a friendly reminder for you that it’s coming up this Friday.  You are welcome.  Last week we started this series called Before and After I do and we are talking about relationships.  We talked about what we called “The Right Person Myth.”  Remember what that was?  If I marry the right person, everything will be alright.  We all know it’s naïve to think that way, yet we still fall for it.  Why?  Because that’s what comes natural to us.  We fall in love with someone base simply on chemistry.  But once you have been in a relationship you will have learned that it takes more than chemistry to make the relationship last.  It takes some very intentional relationship skills.  Therefore, we ended last week by proposing a better approach to dating and marriage, instead of hunting for that right person, we asked you to simply try your best to become that right person by practicing what we find in 1 Corinthians 13.

Now today we are going to talk about something that’s inevitable in every relationship – fighting.  No, not physically of course, but you know what I mean.  Or as we like to say to our kids, “No, we are not fighting, we are handling conflict by speaking loudly.”  The question I am going to attempt to answer today is not why do couples fight, but how should couples fight?  Because every couple fights, from small things to big things.  So the solution is not to avoid fights, but to learn to fight, and to fight fairly.  I believe when we learn to fight fair, we can begin to have a healthy marriage.

Moving Forward

Healthy couples fight to resolve, unhealthy couples fight to win.  Even though you may be tempted to fight to win ask God today to help you choose to fight to resolve every single time.

Discussion Questions

1. Growing up how have you seen your parents handle conflicts?  How has that affected you in terms of handling conflicts today?

2. Read James 1:19-20.  The first rule to fight fair is to listen carefully.  How can you ensure that you listen first before you speak during a fight?

3. The second rule to fight fair is to guard our words faithfully.  What would you commit to “never say” or “always say” when you are in a fight?

4. Read Eph 4:26-27.  The third rule to fight fair is to handle our anger righteously.  How would you live out these verses in your daily life?